Worried about being the caretaker for someone after top surgery? This is your complete guide to helping someone through top surgery recovery.
Preparing to help someone recovery from surgery can feel nerve-racking, especially if it’s your first time. When my partner decided to move forward with top surgery, I was thrilled for them! And I also realized that I now had a very important job as their main caretaker.
In this post, I’ll share with you everything you need to know! Including: the best top surgery aftercare checklist, tips for top surgery drains, and all the best top surgery recovery tips.
After reading, you’ll feel super prepared and have a checklist of everything you need to do pre and post surgery, and you’ll feel confident as you accompany your loved one on this special journey.
These are the best top surgery recovery tips for caregivers
Pre-Surgery
Tips for First Consultation
This is a huge day for your loved one, and they might be overwhelmed and forgetful in the moment. I created a Google Doc for my partner to track all their questions for the initial consultation. During the appointment, I brought my laptop to take down any additional notes and ensure all of their questions were answered and recorded.
Top Surgery Aftercare Checklist
We found this recovery checklist to be the most thorough, but there were a few things we didn’t anticipate needing, like medical adhesive remover and refillable ice packs. Some things you want to prioritize buying: a wedge pillow (we love this one), lots of bed pillows (Buffy is our new fave), a back scratcher, and a grabber tool.
To keep things easy, create a basket with all of the items needed throughout the day. The most useful things in our basket: chapstick, travel tissues, medications, lotion, and back scratcher.
Outsourcing Your Support System
During recovery, the patient is going to be on a roller coaster of emotions, as well as physical pain. As their main caregiver, they are relying on you for everything and have very little energy to give back. But your needs are still important, you just can’t rely on your patient to meet those needs during recovery.
To make sure your needs are met, make a list of every area of your life where you need support. Then, designate other people in your life to meet those needs. For example, I usually vent to my partner about entrepreneur struggles. So I designated an entrepreneur friend as my supporter in that area.
Some other support areas to consider:
- Specific top surgery recovery support (Designate someone who has already been a top surgery caregiver)
- Family stress (Designate a close friend who is familiar with the dynamics)
- Financial/Work Stress (Designate someone in your field)
- Mental Health (Make strategic appointments with your therapist)
Shifting into the Caregiver Mindset
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). My partner was having surgery in the middle of winter. I was scared as hell! I asked my friend, who has been a caregiver several times AND has SAD, how to deal with it. Her response was unexpected but accurate:
“Focus on tasks and put their needs before your own. Nothing matters but their healing.”
That was the moment I switched into the caregiver mindset. All of my stuff had to be shoved aside (or delegated) during those first few weeks of recovery. I blocked off the first 10 days post-op so I wouldn’t have any other obligations. I know it’s a huge privilege to be able to do that, but it was the smartest thing I did!
All that being said, never let your caregiver role keep you from meeting your basics: food, water, hygiene, rest. And be intentional about this mindset shift; have a conversation with the future patient about expectations, giving each other grace, etc.
Surgery Day
Make a Plan
You can’t predict how someone will be after surgery. Some folks are lucid and mobile, while others are groggy and in more pain. So prepare for the worst and enjoy the best! Big things to plan for this day: driving to and from the surgery center, having all prescriptions filled, doing a dry-run with new pillows, and knowing what your next 2 meals will be once you’re home. Prepare these meals ahead of time or decide on exactly what to order for delivery.
Pack Yourself a Go Bag
My biggest regret in my caretaker journey was not taking care of myself during surgery day. We woke up at 3am and didn’t get home from the hospital until 4pm. I had only packed a granola bar and there were very few vegan options at the hospital cafeteria. By the time my partner came out of surgery, I had a migraine that only worsened from the UNBEARABLE heat of the recovery room.
I had to be strong for my partner, but I was barely hanging on during the drive home. When I finally got them into bed, I sent in our delivery order and fell asleep until it arrived. I devoured the food and went to sleep again, until they were awake enough to eat. We got through it, but I felt so horrid and it was a struggle.
SO how can you avoid this mistake?? Pack yourself a go-bag full of at least 2 nutritious meals, snacks, things to do, fidget toys, Tylenol, electrolyte water, and maybe even a coffee. If it seems like overkill, it’s not! Especially if you’re doing this alone and don’t have anyone to bring you food.
Bring a Friend
My partner asked their best friend to join us during surgery day and I’m so glad they did. I felt so anxious waiting for the surgery to end, but having someone to talk to, trade stories, and even play Schitts Creek UNO, made the waiting time bearable. We were told the surgery took 2 hours, but it was 5 hours before I could see them, and another 2 hours of nausea and prepping to leave. I was very grateful to have another person there for support.
So def bring someone who is supportive and comfortable to be around if you can!
Drive Carefully
I’m historically not the best driver, so I was unprepared for how slowly and carefully I would have to drive after my partner was discharged. So drive a car with good shocks and take those smooth roads home. Our friends gifted us a mastectomy pillow that was perfect for keeping my partner comfortable during our drive home.
Post-Surgery
Top Surgery Drains
Your doctor will send you home with instructions for your patient’s drains, but the usual drill is: milk them, drain them, mark the time and volume. A nurse showed me how to milk the drains before we left, and one tip I’d recommend is to USE LUBE or lotion or whatever is safe for the drain tubes. This creates less friction and you’re less likely to cause your patient pain.
The draining fluid is often a mixture of blood and clear-ish fluid and it can have a iron-y smell. But it’s a pretty quick procedure and tolerable, if you’re not too squeamish. Keep an eye out for irregular fluids or smells while you do this, as those can be signs of infection.
Comfortable Sleeping Tips
Sleeping after top surgery just sucks. Everyone will have different needs, but this was our system:
- Use a wedge pillow for back support
- Use a pillow under each arm for support
- Use a neck pillow or chest pillow for neck support
- Use a sturdy big pillow for under the knees
- Put a memory foam mattress topper on your bed to help with tailbone pain
- Use a lower bed to minimize stretching and pain while getting in/out
Ask your doc if you can use Tylenol PM if you’re avoiding pain killers. Check out the Headspace app for sleep meditations, there is even one specifically for pain that we found useful. Sleep when the “baby” sleeps. And encourage lots of naps.
Managing Medications
You are the official medication mascot of your household!! We love taking medication on time! This is critical for pain management so you don’t want to miss or be late for a dose. Set alarms for when they need to take medicine, and make sure you have it EVERYWHERE you go. We ventured out the day after surgery, took way longer than expected, had no medication, and my partner was hurtin bad by the time we got home.
Taking Time for Yourself
Before surgery, my friend suggested I plan times to leave the house, and have someone else take care of my partner for a few hours. I thought that was a great idea…but nope. The reality was, I love being at home…ALONE. That’s how I recharge. Without my home alone time, I am grumpy and tired and scattered.
When I felt myself getting agitated, I calmly told my partner when I was planning to take “me time” in the house, and reassured them I wasn’t annoyed at them. It’s amazing what a few hours locked in your bedroom can do for you!
Talk to your patient pre-surgery to decide what alone time might look for you, how you’re going to ask for it, and how you’ll spend it. This is a team effort, and you need to work together to help them heal and preserve your relationship. You got this!
These were the best top surgery recovery tips for caregivers
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