4 Secrets to Plus Size Dating with Confidence

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Are you tired of swiping on apps, chatting with folks who ghost you, and going on terrible first dates? These are my best kept secrets for successful plus size dating.

Anyone else a serial monogamist? I hopped from partner to partner for a long time because I was operating from a scarcity mindset: there were only so many people who would find me attractive and want to date me. So I had to take what I could get. So often we stay in relationships that aren’t working because we are afraid of what’s out there- or what isn’t out there- for us.

Yes, dating as a plus size person has its challenges: some people won’t like your body, other people will fetishize your body, and some people will think you’re invisible. But there are amazing, kind, generous lovers out there waiting to give you the world. You just have to ask for it!

You’re going to read my top tips in plus size dating with confidence, learn how to manifest your dream partner, figure out what you want, and no longer waste your time with people who aren’t meant for you.

This post is all about plus size dating with confidence.

Secret #1: Know What You Want

If I asked you right now what you’re looking for in a partner, do you know what you’d say? It’s possible you might not even have thought about it! Many of us have been told that we should be grateful and feel lucky that anyone would be interested in us, because of our body size. Not anymore!

It’s time to figure out what you want. Once you know what you want, you can quickly decide if a potential match is the right fit for you- or if you should move on. You’ll save time and energy and open yourself up to meet the right person even sooner.

I was so scared to fall for the wrong person again. Then I took some advice from Practical Magic and decided to manifest my perfect person. So I sat down with my journal and made a long list of everything I wanted in a partner. And a year later, my current partner plopped into my lap and they checked off nearly everything on that long, long list.

I want to know what YOU are looking for in a romantic partner. I want to know what they look like, smell like, what they do for fun, and how they treat you. If this sounds overwhelming AF, don’t worry boo! I got you. Click here to get the Partner Manifest Checklist in your inbox right away. Then, after your first date with someone, you can whip out your checklist and see how they measure up.

I want my free partner manifest checklist, please!

Secret #2: Date Yourself First

Stop rolling your eyes for a minute and listen up because this is going to change your life:

The next time you think something like, “I wish I had a partner to do X with me” I want you to ask yourself this question: How can I meet this need myself? How can my current relationships fit this need?

Example: “I wish I had a partner to go on a hike with me.” Could you go on a hike alone? Do you have a local friend who can go with you? Or a long distance friend who can hike at the same time, wherever they live?

This applies to SO many things like traveling, going to events, trying new restaurants, etc. Even intimacy like cuddling and holding hands is totally something you can do with your friends if everyone involved is on board. Creating a feeling of abundance of connection and community in your life will relieve so much pressure in finding a partner. You are doing amazing on your own, sweetie! Any romantic connection will just be a little something extra.

Secret #3: Explore Your Pleasure Solo

If I could go back in time and do ONE thing when I started dating, it would be to buy myself a personal wand massager. I spent a long time- a LONG time- not having mind-blowing intimacy because I didn’t put my pleasure first. Even when I started dating women, I didn’t know what I wanted, what felt good, or how to ask for it. It wasn’t until I got my first heavy duty wand (and a growing collection of toys) that I was able to truly explore my full range of pleasure.

Here’s the tea: you can give yourself orgasms. Earth-shattering orgasms. You don’t need a partner to do that. Invest in some toys, set aside time every week to explore yourself and your desires, and by the time you DO invite someone into your bedroom, they’ll be amazed at how well you know your body. And it is a serious turn on when someone knows exactly what they want and how to get it.

If you need some inspiration, check out Beducated! This is an online learning platform for solo and partnered pleasure. I partnered with Beducated for over a year and even though I was paid to explore their library, I would have happily paid the money to access the content. After a year of learning, I can now give a killer massage, I feel more confident in the bedroom, and a lot of other spicy content I’ll save for another post. Click here to use the code Maggie25 for 25% off your yearly subscription!

Secret #4: Nurture Your New Relationship

Once you’ve found someone who you want to date, and you’re in a relationship, NRE (new relationship energy) can take over. You’ll miss red flags, you’ll let things slide, and you realized 6 months in that you’re not happy anymore.

6 months is a lot of time to give to someone who you don’t want to be with! During these first 6 months, I want you to do a monthly relationship check-in. Set aside an hour with your partner, go through this list of questions, and do something afterwards that encourages connection.

What does this do? Most importantly, it gives you space to bring up topics that might feel uncomfortable or taboo. It also gives you the chance to come down to earth for a minute to really figure out if this person is meeting all of your needs. And by sharing your feelings, you’re creating emotional intimacy as well.

If someone refuses to do this check-in, that’s a red flag, babe! These are important questions and the right person will be just as committed to making your relationship as fulfilling as possible.

If you’re interested in more advice for confident dating as a plus size girl, I created an online course just for you! the Fat & Free Body Confidence Course guides you in breaking down negative thoughts, creating confidence from the ground up, and teaching you how to use that confidence in dating, your work-life, and more! Click here to get the course.